The Crack Observer was left buttered, baffled, and bedazzled last night after an incident involving Princess Mito'ca'hondria, better known to our viewers as Lead Reporter Mito, and her infamous universe-hopping sparkly reporter's top hat.

Long celebrated as the newsroom's most powerful reporting tool (responsible for transporting the team between dimensions in pursuit of breaking stories), the sparkly lead reporter top hat is now at the center of a snack-based scandal.

Witnesses claim Mito was caught red-handed (and butter-fingered) using the sacred object not as a portal, but as a makeshift popcorn bowl during a late-night documentary binge.

The evening began innocently enough, with Mito summoning the staff to gather around the newsroom's crystal projector for what she described as "a mandatory educational documentary on goblin trade routes." Staffers say they expected charts, notes, and perhaps a ten-minute monologue about tiaras. Instead, they were greeted by the sight of Mito sprawled on a velvet cushion, tiara slightly crooked, holding her top hat like a tub of cinema snacks.

"Sugar, I always suspected that girl's hat was good for more than jumpin' through portals," Dolly, the newsroom's resident baking maven and gossip queen, told reporters. "But I didn't think she'd turn it into concession stand couture."

According to horrified onlookers, Mito had filled the enchanted hat to the brim with buttery kernels, each piece catching the glow of its magic and scattering glitter sparks across the breakroom floor.

The scandal escalated as the documentary grew tense. Eyewitnesses swear that every time the narrator's voice dipped into suspense, Mito plunged her jeweled fingers into the hat and pulled out another handful of glitter-dusted popcorn. Sparks erupted with each bite, sending enchanted crumbs skittering across the newsroom like tiny fireworks.

"One intern was nearly blinded by a rogue kernel mid-air," Fern revealed. "That popcorn wasn't just salty — it was armed and dangerous."

By the time the credits rolled, the newsroom carpet was littered with buttery starbursts, the smell of cinnamon-sugar drizzle hung in the air, and Dolly was already taking recipe notes.

Straight from Dolly's Kitchen and touted as "The snack so scandalous, it blinded an intern!" Dolly brings you the snack inspired by the Sparkly Hat Incident of Princess Mito'ca'hondria, now available for public consumption:

• Mystical Crunch™ — every kernel sparkles with enchanted starlight.
• Flavor of Destiny™ — buttery goodness enhanced by inter-dimensional salt.
• Guaranteed Drama™ — may cause sudden love confessions, dance battles, or minor portal openings.

Available Flavors

• Classic Butter & Glitter (Warning: may cause shirtless declarations of love)
• Cinnamon Sugar Swirl (Intern favorite… when it doesn't attack)
• Caramel Drizzle Deluxe (Currently under newsroom ban, eat at own risk)
• Forbidden Fae Kettle Corn (So good, it's illegal in 3 universes)

Important Legal Notices: Not responsible for injuries caused by flying kernels. May permanently perfume your hair with "butter-scent." Consumption does not guarantee princess powers, but Dolly says it does make your butt look better.

ORDER NOW!

Available exclusively through Dolly's special squad of pigeons.

Confronted with charges of "hat abuse", "culinary recklessness," and misuse of her status as lead reporter for the Crack Between Worlds, Mito remained unbothered.

"A princes must learn to adapt to her surroundings," Mito said coolly, flipping her hair behind her shoulders. "Besides, the hat's washable, and the previous universes we've visited really bring out the salty flavor."

Although impossible to reach from the Crack, we here at the Crack Observer believe royal advisors from Mito's home universe of Cellaria were far less amused by her behavior. Had we been able to contact them, we believe a palace spokesperson would have released a statement declaring they were "horrified" that their Powerhoose reduced the sparkly lead reporter top hat to snackware.

Never one to waste a scandal, Dolly immediately pitched the idea of turning the fiasco into a bakery product. "Honey, I'm tellin' you, Mito's Magical Popcorn could sell out faster than peach cobbler in August," she mused. "Mystical crunch, sparkly fingers, maybe even a love spell or two. I'd put it in fancy tins and ship it cross-universe."

Industry experts agree that Dolly may be onto something. A goblin trade analyst confirmed that enchanted snacks are one of the fastest-growing commodities in the multiverse, with black-market unicorn kettle corn already commanding record prices.

In response to the chaos, the newsroom has issued an emergency policy banning "food storage in enchanted items." Staff are now required to keep snacks in regulation-approved bowls, mugs, or Dolly's pie tins. Mito has reportedly ignored the rule, insisting that "popcorn tastes better when eaten from a vessel of destiny."

Indeed, eyewitnesses claim she was last seen in the breakroom sprinkling caramel drizzle into the hat while queuing up her next documentary: Forbidden Love of the Fae Queens.

Whether the Crack's lead reporter will face disciplinary action remains unclear. What is certain, however, is that the sparkly top hat — once revered as a symbol of journalistic grit — may now be remembered as the galaxy's most fabulous concession stand.

Subject: [URGENT] Misuse of Enchanted Items (Popcorn Incident)
From: Mr. Stanton, Owner of the Crack Between Worlds
To: All Staff

Effective immediately, the following rules are in place due to "The Popcorn Scandal of Princess Mito'ca'hondria."

1. Enchanted items are NOT to be used for food storage. This includes: Sparkly top hats, cursed mirrors, demonic chalices, or the ghost armor filing cabinet. Exceptions: Dolly's pie tins (pre-approved for caloric enchantment).

2. Snack consumption during documentaries must remain low-drama. Glitter-dusted kernels raining across the newsroom floor is hereby classified as a Level Two Hazard. Any food that blinds interns or opens portals to disco dimensions will result in immediate probation.

3. Princess Mito's sparkly hat is NOT to be repurposed as:

• A popcorn bowl
• A soup tureen
• A dessert smuggler
• A disco ball (see prior memo #144: "Boogie Fever Incident")

New Snack Protocol: Popcorn must be served in regulation-approved bowls, mugs, or Dolly's enchanted bakeware. Caramel drizzle is banned in the breakroom until further notice.

Disciplinary Action: Any repeat offenders will be sentenced to one (1) week of Rob Skythrust's "reading lessons." Yes, I'm that cruel.

Signed,
Mr. Stanton

Staff Notes: Dolly is lobbying for "Mito's Magical Popcorn" to become an official CBW product. This is NOT approved (yet). Rob Skythrust volunteered to "taste-test the evidence." He has since gone missing under a pile of buttery napkins. The Sparkly Hat now permanently smells like butter. Inter-dimensional travelers are advised to prepare for corn-based weather anomalies.